For most people who are trying to conceive, learning about other people’s pregnancy announcements is a real trigger. We may feel happy for them, but also jealous, angry and even guilty for experiencing these conflicting emotions. It’s completely normal to feel this way. In this article we review some strategies to cope with pregnancy announcements.
Be kind to yourself
Remember that it is normal to feel more than one emotion at the same time. It is possible to be happy for your friend and be sad for your own circumstance. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it does means you are human.
The jealousy and envy are often directly outwards; however, they are a consequence of our inner sadness, our grief over infertility. Allow yourself the time to notice, process and cope with these emotions.
Try to let go of shame and guilt for feeling these emotions. When you notice yourself getting angry or jealous, try saying to yourself “I’m feeling _____, this is normal and I forgive myself.”
Focus on what you do have
When we hear about a pregnancy announcement, we can very easily get stuck, thinking about all the things that are missing in our life. Instead, try to focus on the good things you already have: maybe your job, your family, your partner, friends, a hobby.
Remind yourself that the jealousy, envy and anger at a pregnancy announcement, is not really towards your friend who is pregnant. These are emotions that come from your own situation, and you are allowed to feel sad and angry about your situation.
Try setting some intentions or saying affirmations that can help you cope. For example, “I am healthy, my time will come”.
Send a blessing
Think about the relationship you have with this person who made the pregnancy announcement. Try taking a deep breath, close your eyes and send a blessing or a prayer to your pregnant friend and the baby.
Talk or Write it out
Talking to your friend, to others or even writing about your emotions can help you process them. You can try saying something like “I am happy for you, but I am also sad for me”. If you don’t want to talk to your friend, you can speak to others who do understand, either in fertility forums or social media. Speaking to a fertility support professional can also be helpful. If you don’t want to talk to others, you can still write it in a letter that you’ll never send to your friend, or in a private diary.
Now that you know some strategies, how can you plan ahead for pregnancy announcements? Let us know in comments.
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